I just finished Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive by Robert Cialdini, Noah Goldstein, and Steve Martin.

The reason I picked up the book is that Cialdini is my favorite author, and I’d say his book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, is the best business boook out there – one that every marketer should have in their library.

As you can tell from the title, the book is broken into 50 mini-chapters of practical tips and tricks on being more persuasive in your business.

That makes it really easy to digest the quick lessons when you have a spare moment.

And what other book mixes references to Britney Spears, the Smurfs and Sex and the City with academic concepts like loss aversion and the scarcity principle?

Robert Cialdini will be delivering a keynote address at Affiliate Summit West 2010, taking place January 17-19, 2010 in Las Vegas.

Video: Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive

This post originally appeared on the Affiliate Marketing Blog by Shawn Collins

Read and comment on Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive

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Missy Ward is compiling a list of the parties and special events taking place at Affiliate Summit West 2010 next month in Las Vegas.

The most busy night for parties at Affiliate Summit is typically the Monday. This time around, we’ll be counter-programming the Monday parties with an alternative.. the Affiliate Summit Trivia Tweetup.

Check out the list at http://missyward.com/2009/12/18/parties-and-special-events-during-affiliate-summit-west-2010-asw10/ and keep checking back for updates.

This post originally appeared on the Affiliate Marketing Blog by Shawn Collins

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Affiliate marketing is dead… to people who can’t figure it out, consultants desperate for business, journalists with an elementary understanding of the space, and bloggers trying to create linkbait.

But the claim floats around each year anyhow.

Some guy named Aristotle theorized about the death of affiliate marketing long ago. Ok, it was actually a writer named Rick Aristotle Munarriz at Motley Fool four years ago. Same difference.

A few years back, John Lemp, CEO/Founder of IntegraClick, purchased the domain AffiliateMarketingIsDead.com, yet as the industry thrives, the domain remains a placeholder.

I’m guilty of stoking the flames, too, as I wrote an article last year called “Affiliate Marketing Is Dead” for eMarketing & Commerce magazine. But I was employing the complicated literary device known as the head fake.

Anyhow, I have a pretty vivid indicator of the health and growth of affiliate marketing, and that’s the attendee numbers year to year at Affiliate Summit West.

Back in 2005, when we first held an Affiliate Summit in Las Vegas, we has a modest 550 attendees. That number has grown each year, and we are expecting 4,000 people at Affiliate Summit West 2010, based on past registration patterns.

That will be the biggest of all 14 Affiliate Summits to date.

Oh well, at least the Chicken Little thing isn’t unique to affiliate marketing. Earlier this week, Robert Scoble wrote about how the sky is falling for SEO.

This post originally appeared on the Affiliate Marketing Blog by Shawn Collins

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This is an extra optional bonus where you can get a second SBI subscription for a friend or relative (or even yourself) for FREE instead of the regular $299 price.

This offer is only good until midnight on December 25th, 2009, so if you want to take advantage of it, now is the time to look into this and make a decision.

SBI sometimes runs other promos like getting a second subscription for $100, but this one is their most generous and popular promo of the year by far.

This is a great deal for couples, for a parent and child, or for two friends, since the two of you can build your own online businesses together.

What Is SBI?

SBI is a very popular service that helps you build an income-generating online business. It includes the education and tools you need as well as hosting for your website. This service is for people who want to build a real online business that consistently generates income month after month. If you only want to put up a website and don’t care about whether it makes any money, you don’t need SBI.

Be sure to read my full review of SBI if you’re interested in learning how to make money online.

Personally I don’t use SBI… simply because I don’t need it. I spent years developing the skills to deliver value to people over the Internet, and I learned how to generate abundant income from my work as well.

For example, whenever someone signs up for SBI, I earn a commission from the referral. I think this is a very fair way to generate income. It enables me to create and deliver tons of free content (more than 1,000 free articles to date), and I’m able to help people start new online businesses without having to personally tutor them (which would be untenable).

I used to try to teach people how to earn income from blogging, but for most people the learning curve is just too steep. You can definitely succeed this way — obviously many people have — but you must be dedicated to mastering the creative side, the technical side, and the marketing side. And you’d better have the ability to crank out lots of lots of high-quality content.

SBI is a better approach for people who prefer to focus most of their energies on the creative side, to let someone else handle the technical side, and to get help and tutoring with the marketing side. With SBI you can generate income from a static website and/or with visitor-generated content, so you don’t have to post fresh content every day or every week like you might do with a blog. It’s an easier, gentler model for online business than the typical blogging model.

SBI 2.0

SBI has gone through some major upgrades this past year. The best part is that these upgrades don’t cost anything extra. SBI used to charge an extra premium to add some optional features, but now these features — and more — are rolled into their standard package.

Learn more about what you’ll gain from using SBI 2.0.

Monthly Payment Option

SBI now offers a monthly payment option. Instead of paying $299 per year, you now have the option of paying $29.99 per month.

SBI is offering the monthly payment option for a limited time as a “recession buster” to help out people for whom paying $299 is too big a burden. This way you can get your site up and running and generating income for you, and then switch to the $299 annual payments and save $60 per year when you’re ready.

Getting Started

If SBI sounds interesting to you, a good place to start is to watch their video tour.

Then you may want to read my full review.

After that you may want to poke around the SBI website.

And finally I recommend you read my Site Build It! Walkthrough.

I’ve written tons about this service already, so the above articles will give you a solid overview.

If you have any questions about SBI though, please submit them via their questions form. Your questions will be answered by an actual SBI customer.

Just remember that the holiday two-for-one bonus offer is only good until midnight on December 25th, 2009, so you have about 10 days left to decide if you want to take advantage of it.

Achieve new breakthroughs in your habits, career, finances, relationships, health, and spiritual development. Register now to attend the transformational 3-day Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas, January 15-17, 2010.

© 2009 by Steve Pavlina.

The registration rate has been steadily increasing as that deadline gets closer, with more people signing up for the workshop every day now.

If you live outside the USA and are thinking about attending, once again you won’t be alone. As with the previous workshop, we’re seeing that about a third of registered attendees are flying in from outside the USA.

Travel and Hotel

The workshop FAQ includes lots of information to assist you in making travel plans. Flights to and from Las Vegas are often cheaper than other cities, and the hotel rooms are very affordable, so your total trip cost may be less than you expect.

There’s also a recent forum thread where attendees are discussing good flight and hotel deals to keep costs down. It looks like HotWire.com may have some good deals.

50% Discount on Erin’s Readings for Workshop Attendees

Erin is offering a limited number of in-person readings before and after the workshop for a 50% discount. This is the first time she’s ever done this. She’s offering this discount as a special courtesy for registered workshop attendees only. So if you’d like a chance to get an in-person reading with Erin and save hundreds of dollars, this is a great time to take advantage of her offer.

For details and to schedule a reading, see Erin’s recent blog post.

Social Activities

At the previous workshop, it was obvious that we attracted an extremely social group. That pattern seems to be continuing, as attendees of the January workshop are already planning a number of social gatherings outside the workshop hours.

Potential activities include a disc golf meet-up, indoor skydiving, and more.

For more social opportunities during your stay in Las Vegas, check out the Conscious Growth Workshop Forum. Please feel free to suggest your own group activity if you’d like, or offer to help coordinate one of the meet-ups that are still being planned. With 30 days remaining until the workshop, there’s still plenty of time to arrange your social calendar.

Toastmasters Meeting

On Monday, January 18th at 6:15pm, the Toastmasters club that Erin and I belong to is hosting an open house, and attendees of our workshop are invited to attend. One of our workshop participants, Alex Wu, will be a guest speaker at our club that night. For further details see this forum thread.

The Toastmasters meeting is totally free, and it’s a great bonus opportunity for anyone who feels that public speaking may be part of their path. You won’t have to speak at the meeting, but you’ll be able to learn from others, watch speakers in action, and see if Toastmasters is a good fit for you. There are about 10,000 Toastmasters clubs worldwide, so chances are there’s one close to you. Erin and I have been members of this particular club in Las Vegas for many years. It’s currently the largest club in Las Vegas.

At the previous workshop, we brought 16 guests from the workshop to our Toastmasters meeting, and it was one of the liveliest meetings we’ve ever had. If you’re able to stay in Las Vegas for an extra day, I encourage you to hang out with us at Toastmasters too. Our club is very fun and upbeat with an abundant flow of humor.

Some Useful Links

Conscious Growth Workshop (all the details, who should attend, what you’ll learn, daily schedule)

Workshop FAQ (questions answered, travel advice, Las Vegas info)

Register NOW (take action, engage, make it so)

Would you rather spend a weekend with an amazing group of growth-oriented people while being pushed to think, feel, and stretch yourself in new ways, or would you rather stay home and do what you normally do? You decide.

Achieve new breakthroughs in your habits, career, finances, relationships, health, and spiritual development. Register now to attend the transformational 3-day Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas, January 15-17, 2010.

© 2009 by Steve Pavlina.

Dozens of people have already registered, including many return attendees from the previous CGW, so it’s great to know that we’ll have another amazing international group. At the first CGW, about 1/3 of the participants came from outside the USA.

Workshop Details

All the workshop details can be found on the Conscious Growth Workshop page, including the specific topics we’ll be covering each day.

This will be a very holistic workshop, blending high-level ideas with practical application. We’re going to cover career development, money, health, skill building, habits, productivity, emotions, relationships, spirituality, and more. I’ll be sharing the best insights I have on each of these topics. My goal is not to send you home with pages and pages of notes that you’ll hopefully implement later. This workshop is geared to create many a-ha moments that shift your thinking right there in the workshop.

Erin’s Role

As with the previous workshop, Erin will be helping to facilitate and will be contributing on stage as well.

Although Erin and I are now separated, we continue to maintain a positive, loving relationship with each other. In October we made the conscious decision to separate in order to break free from patterns in our marriage that weren’t working for us. This is giving us the space to re-explore our connection from a new angle.

Based on the feedback we’ve received about our separation, it’s clear that some people are having a hard time understanding how Erin and I can still be best friends, still love each other, and still happily work together. The best explanation I can offer is that conscious relationships don’t necessarily fit into standard social labels. They can twist and turn in unusual ways. The path with a heart usually isn’t a paved road.

Erin and I continue to connect in all the ways that are working for us, but we’ve taken the opportunity to disconnect in those areas where we aren’t as compatible. This notion comes directly from the second principle of conscious growth: Love.

At the January CGW, Erin and I will be conducting the relationship segment together, just as we did at the previous CGW. We’ll share what we’ve learned from our 15+ years together, including what we’ve learned thus far during our separation. We’ll explain how we apply the principles of conscious growth to continue to love and support each other even as our relationship has changed form.

Workshop FAQ

If you have questions about the workshop, please consult the Workshop FAQ first. It packs in a lot of info about the workshop, travel arrangements, hotels, and staying in Las Vegas.

Workshop Forums

If you have questions about the workshop, feel free to post them in the Conscious Growth Workshop discussion forum. This is a great place to interact with CGW alumni if you want to learn about their experiences. You can read plenty of feedback from them about the previous CGW as well.

Some CGW attendees are also discussing various social gatherings for hanging out together informally outside workshop hours.

Conscious Growth Is Honest Growth

If you’re looking for a guru who offers only the cleanest, neatest answers that align well with society’s standards, don’t come to CGW. That isn’t a role I can ever fill. What I offer you is honesty.

Anyone can grow unconsciously — that happens automatically just by living your life. But conscious growth means that you’ve become an active co-creator of your own life experiences. You decide what your career, finances, health, relationships, etc. will look like next, and then you take on the challenge of making those desires a reality. This is a very difficult undertaking, but it’s also extremely rewarding.

There are so many different aspects to conscious growth — making decisions, applying willpower, cultivating a supportive environment, maintaining momentum, and so on — that very often you may find yourself feeling confused, frustrated, or simply overwhelmed.

What we teach at CGW is how to understand the big picture of conscious growth. My role is to simplify the process to a core set of universal principles that you can understand and apply under real-world conditions. So whenever you get stuck or confused, you can return to these principles time and time again to get unstuck. The principles not only allow you to diagnose any personal or professional problem, but they also show you what specific actions to take in order to get moving in a positive direction.

If this is the kind of life experience you’re ready for, then I can offer you no better way of getting there than to attend the Conscious Growth Workshop in January. And be sure to sign up today to save $100 on your registration.

See you in Vegas!

Achieve new breakthroughs in your habits, career, finances, relationships, health, and spiritual development. Register now to attend the transformational 3-day Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas, January 15-17, 2010.

© 2009 by Steve Pavlina.

This week I assimilated a tremendous amount of fashion knowledge from my fashionisto friend, who hopped on a plane this morning to return to Philly. He’s my best friend from high school and was also my best man at my wedding, and we always have a good time hanging out together. I’ve known about his fashion expertise for many years, but until this week it remained an area where we never chose to connect.

I jokingly told him that teaching me about fashion was payback for all those evenings I helped him with his calculus homework during our senior year in high school. After 20 years I think we can call it even now.

My head is still swirling with the different concepts I learned this week — low rise, slim fit, boot cut, spread collar, etc. It’s going to take me many more weeks to apply these ideas to upgrade my wardrobe to something that fits my self-expression.

Instead of picking out clothes for me, he took the time to teach me basic principles of fashion. Then it was up to me to apply these ideas, first with his guidance, and now on my own. That worked out great because now I feel competent enough to put together a whole new wardrobe based on what I learned. There are still some areas where I need extra help, such as figuring out what to do with my hair, but I think I can handle most of the basic clothing decisions on my own now.

He also didn’t have time to teach me about accessories or shoes, so I’ll have to work on that too at some point. As he explained it, I’m still in the first inning when it comes to application.

Part of what made the experience so fun was watching him do what he obviously loves. His current career has nothing to do with fashion, but he’s clearly passionate about this. At one point while we were trying on jackets at Macy’s, I said to him, “You’re really in the zone here, aren’t you?” He had to agree that he was.

We even got to talking about having him start a fashion blog to teach other people what he knows, something I’d definitely encourage him to do. He’s a great teacher, and I know he’d be successful with it in the long run.

Learning Through Immersion

On Wednesday we shopped at the Fashion Show Mall on the Strip, and last night we spent several hours at Caesar’s Forum Shops. We went to many different stores, and I spent a lot of time trying on clothes.

On the first day, I was introduced to the basic ideas, which I already covered in a previous article, so these last couple days were mainly about application. By the time we finished up last night, I really felt like I was getting it. Finding the right clothes was time consuming and required trying on lots of different items, but I was able to quickly identify what worked and what didn’t.

By the end I’d say that my friend and I had 95% agreement on our accept/reject decisions, but the 5% of items where we might disagree were close calls, and we were able to grasp each other’s reasoning. For example, he gave a big thumbs up to one black shirt I tried on, which looked great and fit perfectly, but I had to reject it because the fabric was too stiff and a little itchy for my tastes.

One thing that made this process particularly easy is that my friend and I have a very similar body structure. In fact, the first shirt I bought was the exact same shirt he was wearing at the time — a soft white button-down shirt from J. Crew ($70). I jokingly told him that it looked better on me than it did on him. Just between you and me, I wasn’t really joking though — it really did look better on me.

Diagnosing Problems

The vast majority of items I tried on had to be rejected for one reason or another. When I rejected something, my friend challenged me to be specific about the reasons why.

At first I would look in the mirror and say, “No, that doesn’t work for me.”

Then my friend would challenge me to explain why it didn’t work. His challenges proved extremely helpful because they made me pay attention to the details. My overall perception would be that something was off, but I had to look at the details to diagnose exactly why it wasn’t working.

Within a matter of hours, I was learning to diagnose problems with statements like:

“This shirt doesn’t have enough structure. It hangs too loosely on me like a limp drape.”

“The fit of this shirt isn’t right — It’s a little too baggy in the midsection and tight across the chest. It might work though if we could find a slim fit but in the next larger size.”

“These jeans are a little too tight in the thighs and too tapered at the bottom. They make my legs look unbalanced.”

“This color is too light for my skin tone. It makes me look washed out.”

“This shirt is too stiff and structured for the self-expression I’m looking for. The fabric isn’t soft enough. It exudes a message of rigidity and inflexibility.”

“This item would be good for a 20-something, but it doesn’t match my maturity level.”

“This item broadcasts that it’s for the masses. There’s nothing unique or special about it. It’s a boring, me-too wannabe.”

Sometimes items had to be rejected for specific design features that simply didn’t suit my body type. Other items were rejected for emotional reasons or because they didn’t mesh with the message I wish to communicate.

Over time I found that diagnosing problems was a significant part of the process. By getting clear about precisely why I had to reject each inappropriate item, I got better at recognizing what was likely to work. This helped me get better at pre-filtering certain items without always having to try them on.

I also got better at recognizing which stores were likely to carry items that worked for me and which weren’t.

At one point as we walked by a clothing store with a lot of youthful fashions, my friend asked, “Wanna try this place?”

I looked through the store windows at the mannequins and took a quick visual survey of the styles being presented. Then I said, “Nope, not right for me. These clothes say…”

“Haven’t graduated college yet?”

“Exactly!”

“Very good! You’re learning.”

When I found a good match, I was able to explain why it worked for me:

“This fit of this shirt is almost perfect. It hugs the contours of my body without being too tight or loose.”

“This fabric is soft and touchable. It matches my desire to express that I’m open, approachable, and huggable.”

“This pattern is subtle and intricate but not glaring or needy. It rewards people who move in for a closer look by offering them a richer sensory experience.”

Raising Standards

One of the most important lessons I learned is that if I really want to buy clothes that look good on me, I have to raise my standards regarding what I’m willing to buy. I need to be a lot more selective, particularly when it comes to fit.

In the past, I’d buy a lot of clothes that seemed halfway decent to me. I would ask myself, “Does this look and feel okay to me?” Sometimes I’d buy T-shirts without even trying them on first.

I’d buy a lot of items that were in the range of 5-8 on a scale of 1-10. Probably the area where I made the most mistakes was in the area of fit. I learned this week that I need to favor slim-fit shirts because my shoulders and chest are much broader than my midsection. Most normal shirts look too baggy on me and simply don’t hang right.

I also learned that sometimes I need to test different sizes. My normal shirt size is a medium, but the best shirt I bought this week was a large. The medium-sized version of that shirt was a little too tight in the chest, but the large one fit almost perfectly. For most other shirts, a large would be too big.

Now my standards are much, much higher. Instead of asking myself whether or not an item is okay for me, I ask, “Do I love this item? Does it look great on me? Do I feel great when I wear it? Does it fit the message I want to communicate?”

If something is off for any reason, I don’t buy it. There were a number of items I rejected because they looked good, but I didn’t feel anything special when I wore them.

I may relax my standards as I continue to experiment, but at this point I’m erring on the side of being very picky. I’ll need to hit more stores and try on more items to achieve the right calibration.

It’s a whole different experience when I wear clothes that look great and feel great at the same time. I feel much more congruent when I wear them.

This morning I actually felt good about getting dressed. That was a whole new experience for me. I like it!

Compensating for Colorblindness

As it turned out, my colorblindness wasn’t nearly as crippling as I thought it might be.

My friend pointed out that the colors that work best for my complexion are white, black, navy, vibrant light gray, non-pastels, and sharps/bolds. At least that’s what he texted me yesterday — I’m not quite sure what sharps/bolds are yet.

With some trial and error, I got a better feel for colors that worked well for me. Pastels clearly don’t work because they make me look washed out. Black and white both work extremely well, but I already knew that. At one point I bought a blue shirt that closely matched my eyes, and that looked very nice as well.

Instead of struggling with my colorblindness, I decided to look for ways to turn it to my advantage. Maybe it could actually become part of my creative self-expression.

Colorblind people actually have a visual advantage in one area. We’re supposedly better at discerning slight variations in brightness, enabling us to notice subtle details that people with normal color vision overlook. As I currently understand it, since a colorblind person’s eyes have some defective or missing cones (which detect color), the brain’s visual circuitry compensates by paying more attention to the details provided by the rods (which detect brightness).

As I gave this some thought, I realized that I could actually pick clothes that express my colorblindness. For example, the black shirt that I’m wearing in the photo above has a very subtle raised pattern. From a distance or in dim light, the shirt looks solid black, but as you move in for a closer look, you get an almost subconscious impression that there’s more complexity to it. You have to stare at it for a while to see exactly what the patterns are, and even then the details are a bit elusive. I liked the shirt, so I bought it ($175 from John Varvatos).

(Incidentally, if you harbor the limiting belief that $175 is too much to pay for a shirt — I got some comments to that effect on Facebook — you’re still stuck in a scarcity vibe. If money flows abundantly through your life, then $175 is nothing. Don’t give your power away to any amount of money. You don’t fret over spending a dime vs. a penny, do you? If you need help shifting to an abundance vibe, watch the video on Creating Abundance and read the article on Expanding Abundance.)

I think it’s really cool that I was able to transform my fear that colorblindness would make it impossible for me to buy clothes, into an excitement about finding creative ways to express my colorblindness artistically through what I wear.

Fashion and the 7 Principles of Growth

Here’s a quick rundown of how I’ve been applying the 7 fundamental principles (which we explore interactively at the Conscious Growth Workshop) to accelerate my growth in the area of fashion.

Truth

Acknowledge that I’m not getting positive results in this area of my life. Accept the inner truth that I don’t feel good about how I dress.

Define what I’d like to experience in this area instead, which means dressing in a way that more accurately reflects how I feel on the inside and what I wish to communicate.

Acknowledge where I’m at. When it comes to fashion, I’m a totally newbie, and it’s perfectly okay to be there.

Drop any pretense of pride. Pride is a falsehood that must be shed in order to create space for growth. It’s perfectly okay to admit you suck at something. You’ll grow much faster when you can do that, and you’ll also receive more encouragement from others.

Love

Move towards what I want via the strategy of immersion. Move away from what I don’t want via the strategy of purging.

I packed up and donated 2/3 of my old clothes. I cut from my life that which I didn’t want, even before I had anything to replace it. This created a void to be filled with what I do want.

Next I immersed myself in this change by spending many hours with my fashionisto friend this week. I didn’t just creep up on this. I dove headfirst into it. I connected with someone who loves fashion so that his passion would rub off on me. Interestingly, this experience also brought us much closer as friends.

Stop pretending that I don’t care about this part of my life. Admit that I do care, and allow myself to care, even though I may initially have no clue how to change.

Power

Instead of whining and complaining about what I don’t want, know that I have the power to create whatever I desire. Stop using my power to reinforce what I don’t want. Withdraw my attention from the clothes I dislike, and start thinking about what I might like instead.

Imagine myself as a fashionable dresser who feels terrific in his clothes. Imagine wearing clothes that accurately reflect how I feel about myself, so my non-verbal communication is congruent with the real me.

Take decisive action. Go outside and hit the stores. And no matter what, don’t give up.

I can empower myself to achieve what I want in this area instead of disempowering myself by tolerating what I don’t want.

Oneness

I can realize that we’re all one and that these challenges aren’t mine alone to deal with. I’m not doing this just for myself. Whatever I learn can benefit others as well.

I can share what I’m learning to create value for others. And I can carry this realization with me as I shop. This encourages me to pay closer attention and stay focused because I know I have to turn around and teach others what I’ve learned. Ask questions if I don’t understand something. I can’t teach what I don’t understand.

Recognize that there are lots of people who are way more advanced than me in this area who’d be happy to help me. I don’t have to go it alone. I can invite help from others. People will be eager to help me because I’m a great student, I’m going to apply what I learn immediately, and I’m going to pass it on and create even more value for others.

I can select clothes that reflect the values I wish to see in the world. I can buy items that support and encourage human creativity instead of going for the cheap mass-market items that favor profits over beauty. I can avoid buying items that include leather or fur because compassion for animals is a more Oneness-aligned message than animal cruelty.

Authority

I am the author of this part of my life.

Through personal experimentation and learning from others, I can improve over time. As I gain experience, my authority in this area will increase.

Initially my actions may prove haphazard and ineffective. I may have to endure some failure experiences. But if I persist, I’ll eventually figure this out. I’ll eventually gain competence and confidence.

There’s no need to fake it till I make it. Faking it is completely unnecessary. I can simply give myself permission to be bad at first, knowing that I’ll eventually get good as I continue to practice. There’s no need to pretend that I know what I’m doing when I clearly don’t. It’s more honest and empowering to admit that I’m clueless and want to improve.

Clueless newbies who are eager to learn are very teachable. They can improve quickly. But those who feign competence will improve more slowly and won’t attract as much willing help.

Courage

If I wish to grow and improve in this area, I must leave my comfort zone behind.

I must do that which I’ve never done before. The natural reaction to that is fear. Instead of running from those fears, I’ll run straight towards them.

I’ll try shopping at stores that intimidate me. I’ll spend more money on clothes than I’m used to. I’ll try out new looks that give rise to unfamiliar feelings. I’ll share what I’m doing publicly and risk rejection and embarrassment.

The more I exercise my courage, the faster I’ll grow. My comfort zone will expand, and soon I’ll feel perfectly comfortable doing that which once scared me. Nothing can stop a person who’s brave enough to face his/her fears head on.

Intelligence

I can handle this part of my life more intelligently than I have in the past.

I can dress in a way that feels authentic to me. I can use clothing as an outlet for my creative self-expression instead of seeing it as a burden or a necessary evil.

I can communicate my message of conscious growth, abundance, and happiness non-verbally as well as verbally.

I can dress in a way that feels elegant and beautiful to me. I can feel good about the way I dress.

I can encourage others to upgrade this part of their lives as well, so that we can collectively enjoy better results in this area.

Fashion’s Law of Attraction

I could see the Law of Attraction working its magic throughout this week. As my intentions became clearer, I found it easier to sort through clothes to find the gems that worked for me.

Also, I noticed that when we focused on items that may not have been the best match for my creative self-expression, we ran into nothing but roadblocks.

For example, we spent hours trying to find a good pair of jeans for me. But everywhere we went, something was always off — wrong sizes, wrong colors, wrong cut, wrong styles, etc. I must have tried on dozens of pairs of jeans, and something was always wrong, so I didn’t end up buying any.

When I got home, I pondered why that may have happened. Surely there must be a pair of jeans out there with the right cut, color, and style for me. It can’t be that difficult to find a decent pair of jeans, can it?

Then I thought about whether jeans were a good choice for me in general. Jeans have been a staple of my wardrobe for many years, but do they match who I am today?

I’m not so sure anymore. There are lots of different varieties available now, but overall there’s nothing special about jeans in my opinion. They’re commonplace. Everyone wears them.

The qualities that I associate with jeans don’t really mesh with what I wish to communicate. To me jeans convey a desire for social acceptance. They’d be a good idea for someone who wants to fit in and be accepted by others, which is practically the opposite of my message of conscious choice. Jeans express durability and ruggedness, but they can also be tight and inflexible and restrict movement. Jeans don’t do a very good job of expressing qualities like flow, freedom, and openness.

Perhaps we couldn’t find the right pair of jeans for me because jeans are the wrong choice for me in general.

I’m not exactly sure what sort of pants would be a better match for me, but I imagine it would be something with a soft, flowing fabric with a subtle texture or pattern. Maybe something made of linen would work. Khakis are definitely out — too drab and boring for me. This is an area where I’ll have to do more experimenting to discover what works for me.

Balancing Paradoxes

I especially enjoy how clothing can express the seeming paradoxes within us. For example, I value freedom and openness tremendously, but I also value structure and self-discipline.

A shirt that works well for me ideally would express these qualities in a balanced way. For example, the black shirt I’m wearing in the photo above is very soft, flowing, and breathable. It doesn’t restrict my movement. But nor does it hang on me like a drape. It’s a fitted shirt with some inherent structure that follows my body’s contours. Also, there are thin wires sewn into the cuffs and collar, so I can actually bend pose them to create different effects. I really like how the design balances freedom and structure so wonderfully.

Learning and Growing

During our last couple hours together, I had learned so much that I was able to advise my friend on some of his choices.

At one point he tried on a black shirt, a color that would normally look great on him. But I had to give it a thumbs down, telling him, “For whatever reason, that particular black just doesn’t work on you. It doesn’t mesh well with your hair color.” (He has black hair.)

He said, “It’s very strange, but you’re definitely right. This black doesn’t work on me. It’s hard to tell why, but there’s clearly something wrong with it.” He seemed impressed that I was able to pick up on this.

At another store he tried on a jacket he seemed to like, and I liked it on him too initially, but something felt a bit off to me. As I scanned over the jacket’s many details, I soon diagnosed the problem: “This jacket looks good at first glance, but it doesn’t work for you. It provides no structure around your neck. You need a jacket with a strong collar.” Again he agreed.

Then he tried on a hat, and I rejected that too, saying, “Nope. The rim is too small relative to the size of your head. You might try to find a hat with a larger rim, but this one doesn’t work for you.”

A week ago I was totally clueless in this area, but after learning how to evaluate whether or not a particular item works and why or why not, I found these tests to be a lot of fun.

When I finally dropped my friend off at his hotel and we said goodbye, we were both impressed by how much progress we’d made together. He said that I was the fastest learner he ever taught, and he was an awesome teacher for me.

It’s going to take a lot more time for me to go out and apply what I’ve learned this week, but I think I’m going to enjoy it. I’m no longer intimidated by the designer stores. I can waltz right in, chat with the salespeople, and feel confident knowing what to look for.

Overall my favorite store was John Varvatos in Caesar’s Palace. We probably spent an hour there, and I must have tried on at least a dozen items. My friend seemed to enjoy it as well. One of the employees even offered us free beers while we shopped. I declined the free drinks but was impressed by the offer. The employees were knowledgeable, friendly, and helpful without being pushy, and I got the sense they were passionate about fashion and really enjoyed working there. I’d definitely shop there again.

At this point I’m eager to learn even more, partly by applying what I’ve learned on my own and partly by connecting with others who are passionate about fashion. I was really surprised at how much I enjoyed the process, not just the end result.

Now I have to figure out what to do with my hair…

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© 2009 by Steve Pavlina.

For many years I shunned fashion completely. I’ve long considered fashion to be a complete waste of time, a pointless distraction for those whose temporal and financial abundance greatly exceeds their intellectual abundance.

This attitude is fairly common in the computer gaming industry where I worked for many years. Even if I was doing a presentation at a tech conference, “modern schlub” was perfectly acceptable. Nobody seemed to care how anyone dressed. Perhaps the only guy in that field I thought had any particular fashion sense was Dave Perry of Shiny Entertainment, but he was a rarity.

When I got into professional speaking, I learned to expand my wardrobe beyond ripped jeans and T-shirts. I added some conservative suits to my closet, but I didn’t wear them often.

My attitude towards clothing was based on comfort, functionality, and suitability for a particular occasion. As long as I didn’t have to deal with annoying social resistance to what I was wearing, I really didn’t care about what I wore. Since I worked for myself, I certainly didn’t feel I needed to impress anyone.

Another factor that made me shun fashion was my colorblindness. I don’t perceive colors the way most people do, so there are certain aspects of fashion that are difficult for me to comprehend. Even people’s skin looks different to me than it does to others. I’ve sometimes wondered what it would be like to be non-colorblind for a day. It would probably freak me out that human beings were suddenly different colors than I was used to.

When it comes to buying my own clothes, I often feel like I can’t trust my own eyes, so I typically play it safe. Most of my wardrobe consists of black, shades of gray, and some earth tones. When I’ve tried to take risks with color, I’ve usually failed, at least based on the feedback received from others. This seemed like a problem I couldn’t solve on my own, and I had little motivation to deal with it, so I basically stopped trying and retreated into my colorless comfort zone.

Reconsidering Fashion

A number of factors recently came together to shift my attitude towards fashion and convince me to take a deeper look at it.

First, a number of friends and readers have been encouraging me to make some improvements in this area. This feedback ramped up last year when I began posting photos on my Facebook page. When you’re in the public eye, you get a lot of feedback on all aspects of your life, whether you want it or not.

Second, Erin and I separated in October, so I became a bachelor again, something I haven’t experienced since 1994. This change has encouraged me to give other aspects of my life a makeover, as a way of letting go of the past and opening the door to a new future.

Third, after the separation I started getting a lot more attention from women (just as Erin did from men). I began going out more. A few of my friends, male and female alike, have noticed the recent expansion in my social life, and they’ve been encouraging me to pay a bit more attention to my appearance. I imagine they’re simply trying to be helpful.

Fourth, some of my more fashionable friends have been gradually educating me about fashion in small doses, giving me little tips here and there. I’ve been slowly coming around to acknowledge there’s actually more substance to this than meets the eye and that fashion can be used as a means of creative self-expression, much like blogging or speaking or making raw food concoctions. I also realized that it’s a lot more complicated than I first imagined and that it’s not necessarily something I can master in a weekend. I started opening myself up to the possibility that this might actually be a worthwhile endeavor… instead of writing it off as stupid.

Fifth, as I made certain changes to my wardrobe, I started noticing that people would treat me differently based on what I was wearing. For example, if I went grocery shopping while dressed very nicely, the checker would almost always be a lot more flirtatious with me, and female customers would sometimes open conversations with me. This virtually never happened when I dressed like a game programmer.

I can probably drop the word virtually from that last sentence.

And I know I can drop the word probably from the sentence before this one.

Sixth, I lost about 10 pounds since the last workshop, and many of my clothes no longer fit. I need new clothes that fit me.

Seventh, I’ve been going through a purging cycle lately. I packed up two thirds of my clothes to donate, the remaining third being mostly the essentials like underwear, socks, and gym clothes. So my closet is looking a bit barren now.

Eighth, I’ve had some direct offers from people willing to help me one-on-one, take me shopping, and give me an education in this area for free. It’s hard to say no to that.

So with this convergence of factors, if I’m ever going to learn about fashion, the time is now.

Learning by Doing

For a short time I tried to learn about fashion by reading about it. Some people referred me to online articles and other resources to help me get started. But honestly I couldn’t make sense of it. It seemed way too complicated, and the language was totally alien to me. I saw lots of clothing that didn’t appeal to me. It was like trying to learn martial arts by reading about it. You won’t get very good at sparring if your only opponent is a martial arts book.

I realized that I couldn’t learn this on my own. I needed someone to teach me interactively… literally go shopping with me, help me pick stuff out, and give me honest feedback.

So yesterday I kicked off that process. We only went out for two hours, but in that short time I probably learned more about fashion than I have in the past few years. I can’t imagine trying to learn this any other way.

What I’ve Learned So Far

I’m a total newbie at this, so these lessons may seem a bit beginnerish to you, but they were profound and eye-opening for me.

First, my friend explained to me that how we dress on the outside can reflect who we are on the inside. That’s when we’re dressing congruently. I understood the basic idea, but I rarely felt that I was dressing congruently.

He asked me to share some adjectives for what I wanted to express. What do I wish to communicate to others about the kind of person I am on the inside?

That part was easy for me. I rattled off a list for him in short order.

I want to express that I’m intelligent and authoritative, but in a way that’s flowing and creative, not in a stuffy or inflexible manner.

I want to express that I’m open, friendly, and approachable, not cold or aloof. I want people to feel they can easily start a conversation with me and get a positive reception.

I want to express that I’m strong, courageous, and free. I’m not afraid to take risks. I can easily function within society, but without being oppressed by social conditioning or succumbing to pointless rebellion.

I want to express that I’m passionate and happy. I enjoy life fully.

My friend has known me for about 25 years now — we went to high school together — so he was able to draw on his knowledge of my character and personality to help me round out this image. He explained that I’m something of a paradox. He noted that it was odd, for example, that I’m very intelligent and successful in business, but socially I’m such an easy-going, approachable, and down-to-earth guy to talk to. Also, I tend to be very creative and borderline eccentric in the stuff that interests me, yet I have no trouble functioning perfectly well in normal society (if you can call living in Las Vegas normal).

He explained how all of us have paradoxes within us and that what we wear can express that. He shared some of his inner paradoxes and showed how his clothes reflect it… and that he’s able to get away with it because it reflects his inner self accurately.

We hadn’t even gone into any stores yet, and I was already fascinated at this point.

Creative Self-Expression

Next we started going to some stores. He asked me to look at the mannequins and take note of any clothes that seemed interesting to me and that I thought might be a good fit for me.

That part was difficult for me. In the first store we entered, I immediately saw an outfit that seemed interesting at first glance, but my doubts kicked in, and I mentally ruled it out just as quickly. It wasn’t like anything I’d ever bought or even tried on before. So we circled the whole store, nothing really grabbing me, and then when we came back to that same outfit, he noticed me staring at it and asked me what I thought of it.

As I touched the gray slacks on the mannequin, I said, “I kinda like these pants.”

“Why?”

“Well… they have some texture and a subtle pattern. They aren’t a plain solid color. There’s richness and complexity here, but it isn’t glaring. These pants aren’t dull and boring, but nor are they trying too hard to stand out. They also seem to be of high quality. I’m not exactly sure why I like them though. They just naturally draw my attention.”

“Do you realize you’re describing yourself?”

Errrrrr??? Mental rewind and replay of what I just said… Hmmmm… He’s right. That’s weird… What does that mean?

I found this to be a really cool insight. As we continued shopping, I started describing each piece of clothing I saw that looked interesting. Then I asked myself whether or not that description fit me.

This process reminded me of dream interpretation. When you describe one of your dreams, you can interpret it as a description of some part of your life. For example, if you say that you had a dream that you were starving and that no one was giving your food when you asked for it, it could mean that you’re experiencing scarcity in some part of your life and that your current social circle is reinforcing that scarcity.

Over the course of an hour or so, I began to notice some commonalities in the clothes I liked vs. those I didn’t like.

I don’t like plain solid colors. Those seem very boring and drab to me. The funny thing is that most of the clothes in my closet right now are plain solids. Perhaps that explains why I feel bored and uninspired by clothing in general. My current wardrobe constantly reinforces that feeling.

I also don’t like loud, obnoxious looking clothes. I feel they’re trying too hard to stand out and be noticed, like they’re needy and desperate for attention.

I don’t like shirts with high contrast light and dark vertical stripes. They look too corporate, too rigid, and too uncreative. They also look like bars and remind me of jail.

I don’t like ties. They scream “corporate slave collar” to me, even if they’re really colorful.

I love items that have some subtle complexities to them without a huge degree of internal contrast.

I liked a white shirt with thin off-white stripes. At first glance it seems like a regular white shirt, but then you’re drawn to look again and reconsider your first impression.

I liked a rich blue shirt with thin zig-zag stripes in medium-contrast shades of dark blue. When I first looked at the shirt, my initial impression was that it was too busy, but it made me want to keep looking at it, and I realized that there was a geometry to it that made sense. I probably would have bought that shirt if they had it in my size, but unfortunately it was too big on me.

I liked items that looked like solid colors from a distance, but as you get closer to them, a greater level of complexity and richness emerges, almost like zooming in on a fractal. Look at a leaf from a distance, and it may appear to be solid green, but up close you realize that it’s anything but simple.

I began to see that my preferences in clothes reflected different aspects of my life. For example, many people like to classify me with broad strokes (i.e. label me a solid color) after reading a few articles of mine. However, those who know me best are able to see the complex subtleties of my personality.

Details

My friend also helped me notice the subtle details of different articles of clothing.

Why did the designer put an extra pocket here?

Why is this line slanted instead of straight?

Why two kinds of fabric instead of one?

I’m not used to noticing this sort of thing. My work has more to do with synthesis and big-picture thinking vs. analyzing low-level details. Before yesterday I’d look at outfits as a complete whole. Now I see them in a whole different way. I assume that each detail is deliberate and purposeful and that it’s there to make some sort of statement. That statement may or may not align with my own creative self-expression.

To dress more authentically, my goal is to align the statements being made by what I wear with the messages I wish to communicate to others.

I noticed that I liked certain types of details but not others. I like subtle, complex details but not overly obvious or simplistic ones. I like items that whisper suggestively to me as opposed to those that scream for my attention.

If a piece of clothing is confident in its value, screaming is unnecessary. Perhaps that explains why I’ve never spent a dime to market or promote my work in this field. I simply rest in the knowing that it’s valuable enough to be worthy of sharing.

I didn’t buy anything yesterday — partly because finding the right sizes proved challenging and partly because we didn’t have a lot of time — but that wasn’t the point. The point was education. Now I feel like I can at least begin to identify articles of clothing that feel right for me. And the most fascinating bit is that these are the types of clothes I’ve never bought before, so if I step into this space with my wallet, I’m going to end up dressing very differently than I used to.

What’s Next?

I still have a lot to learn of course, but I wanted to share these beginner lessons as I learned them since I think they may provide some value for others too. I’m sure I have some readers that are even more fashion challenged than I’ve been.

One thing I don’t yet understand is how to combine different articles of clothing to create an overall effect that matches my self-expression. What goes with what? This part still has me confused, and it makes me nervous because of my colorblindness. How do I know what colors and styles and textures work well together? What else have I not even touched on that I still need to learn? At this point I’m sure there’s a great deal that I don’t even know I don’t know.

I’m guessing that perhaps each item of clothing I wear can play a role in collectively contributing to an overall message, like individual actors in a play. It may be rather difficult, for example, to find a shirt that communicates everything I’d like to convey, but I may be able to put together a complete outfit that covers 80% of what I wish to communicate, and perhaps that’s good enough. At different times I may also wish to emphasize different aspects of my personality while downplaying others.

I’m like a newbie martial arts student who learned one punching and one kicking technique and thinks he’s ready to spar… totally oblivious to the fact that he has no clue how to block or dodge yet. If I try to go shopping on my own now, I’ll probably get beat up, but I’m gradually learning.

If you happen to be a fashion expert and would like to assist with my fashion education in Las Vegas (preferably in person by going shopping together), let me know. Whenever I get into something new, I like to use the strategy of immersion and move through the beginner stage as quickly as possible until I feel like I’ve achieved some level of basic competency. I usually find the beginner stage of a new endeavor to be the most fun because that’s where we learn the fastest. We just have to give ourselves permission to completely suck at something new and to be okay with our own incompetence.

Some people have requested that I post some pictures of my new outfits. I may do that later, but I haven’t bought anything yet. For now I’m still learning the fundamentals, so hopefully I’ll be confident and competent enough to shop on my own someday. Asking for pics at this point is like asking a newbie martial arts student to show you some video of his kicks and punches. It’s not going to be all that exciting just yet.

Achieve new breakthroughs in your habits, career, finances, relationships, health, and spiritual development. Register now to attend the transformational 3-day Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas, January 15-17, 2010.

© 2009 by Steve Pavlina.

For example, suppose you’re already enjoying a great deal of social abundance. Maybe you have a lot of good friends, and you’re able to make new friends easily whenever you want. You always have people to hang out with whenever you want. In this part of your life, you’ve already achieved abundance.

And now suppose you’re struggling in the area of finances. Maybe you’re in debt, and paying your bills is a burden. Perhaps you have a hard time generating income consistently. Or you feel compelled to take on jobs you dislike to make enough money. In this part of your life, you’re still stuck with scarcity.

You can apply what you’ve learned in the abundant part of your life to rework the scarcity-driven part of your life and gradually raise it up to a level of abundance.

Abundance and scarcity are simply different patterns of relationships. You may have one type of relationship with your social life and another type of relationship with your finances. You may have one relationship with your work and another relationship with your health.

Your relationship lessons can be generalized and transplanted. Just as you can use lessons applied from one human relationship to help you improve another human relationship, you can also apply your internal relationship lessons across different areas of your life.

I recommend that you explore in writing (such as through journaling) how you think and feel about the most abundant part of your life. Where are you getting the best results? What’s your attitude toward that part of life? How do you feel about it? What kinds of actions to you take in that area? How do you relate to this part of your life? How are you managing this particular relationship, and how is it responding?

How do you deal with success in this area? How do you handle setbacks? How do you keep the flow going? Do you have help, or do you manage it alone? Are you active or passive? How did you create these results in this part of your life in the first place?

Then do the same for the part of your life where you’re experiencing scarcity. Ask and answer the same types of questions. Aim to get a clearer sense for how you’re managing each of these relationships.

Compare and contrast your answers. I’ll bet you probably notice some major differences between how you relate to different parts of your life.

Now consider how you can apply what’s working from your most positive internal relationships to your most negative ones. What can you do differently? What type of vibe is working best for you? How shall you approach the scarcity-driven parts of your life such that you can bring more abundance to them?

This approach has done wonders for me.

First I worked on financial abundance. Then I used those lessons to achieve time abundance. Next I achieved social abundance. And lately I’ve been exploring intimacy abundance.

The general high-level pattern is essentially the same each time. It starts with creating and holding the right vibe (as explained in detail in this video). Another step involves releasing fear and letting go of attachment to outcomes, putting myself in a place of knowing that I can have whatever I desire. Then I have to work through various blocks and limiting beliefs that are keeping me stuck at the old vibration. And finally, I need to courageously receive the new level of abundance, which invariably requires stepping outside my comfort zone.

For me this process usually plays out over a matter of months, maybe a couple of years max. The main limiting factors are how long it takes me to identify and release limiting beliefs and how long it takes me to summon the courage needed to leave my comfort zone behind and receive something new.

Another tip that can accelerate your progress significantly is to bring people into your social circle who are already enjoying abundance in the area of life in which you’d like to experience abundance too. So if you want more friends in your life, for example, start hanging out with the most socially abundant people you know. Their vibe will soon rub off on you, and you’ll slide into that new reality faster.

Try this for yourself, and be patient. Enjoy the journey of moving from scarcity to abundance, but don’t think you have to get there overnight.

Achieve new breakthroughs in your habits, career, finances, relationships, health, and spiritual development. Register now to attend the transformational 3-day Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas, January 15-17, 2010.

© 2009 by Steve Pavlina.

Making this video was totally spontaneous, so we got a bit silly at times. Hope you enjoy it.

I make the zucchini hummus differently each time. This time I blended in some sun dried tomatoes and fresh basil. I also like making it with red pepper and parsley. When I want it spicy, I throw in some hot peppers. I typically use this hummus as a dip for carrots and/or celery.

Lori’s coconut-banana cream pie was especially popular at the potluck — there were no leftovers for us to take home.

I made the raw lemon meringue pie once again for a raw Thanksgiving potluck. Aside from soaking the Irish moss and cashews in advance, it takes about an hour to make. For a raw dessert it’s really good. The lemon filling only has 4 ingredients: lemon juice, Irish moss, agave nectar, and a pinch of turmeric. The pie crust is nothing but macadamia nuts and sea salt. And the meringue topping is made from coconut, cashews, and a bunch of other ingredients.

I ran some of the pesto balls through my dehydrator afterwards for about 12 hours. I liked them even better than the pre-dehydrated versions shown in the video. They came out crispy on the outside and moist on the inside, and a little dehydration made the flavors even stronger. I can’t share the recipe because we just kept adding stuff to them until the flavor seemed to be just right.

On a typical day I tend to eat very simple meals (like green smoothies, fresh fruit, salads, carrots and guacamole). I don’t eat complex foods like the ones in the video on a regular basis. But I often make something special for a raw potluck because it’s fun to share it with others.

I never used to enjoy cooking, but I love making creative raw dishes these days. I’ve done a lot of experimenting over the past two years to figure out what food combinations work well together.

Lori refers to me as her “partner in crime” in the video because we both used to shoplift in our late teens. Fortunately we’ve managed to redirect our criminal masterminding skills to the creation of delicious raw food treats.

Achieve new breakthroughs in your habits, career, finances, relationships, health, and spiritual development. Register now to attend the transformational 3-day Conscious Growth Workshop in Las Vegas, January 15-17, 2010.

© 2009 by Steve Pavlina.